In Rainbows
by Izarin
Summary: An act of chivalry gets them into a situation they didn't think possible. With all of her screwing around, this couldn't possibly end how they wanted it to. Shizuo/fem!Izaya. Unrequited love leads to bittersweet feelings.
1. Prologue

**AN:/ I'm just gonna drown you guys in fem!Izaya/Shizuo fiction here since I don't think the pairing gets enough love. Ahhh. Oh well, this is actually inspired by a prompt from the kink meme but I wont say what exactly yet.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy _In Rainbows_.**

* * *

_I am a moth_

_Who just wants to share your light_

_I'm just an insect_

_Trying to get out of the night_

* * *

"There's this thing about popularity…" She thinks.

It's nothing she really ever wanted either. If people liked her then that was their decision. She never tried all that hard to earn the attention of others. It just kind of happened.

Maybe it was her likeable, charismatic personality.

Her petit form, legs adorned in the finest of stockings, black hair resting just above her shoulders.

"I'm not weak…" She tells herself.

And that is certainly true.

For someone who was able to stand up to the strongest person at her high school, it was surprising that she found herself in this position.

What _exactly_ was happening, again?

Oh right…

_The_ Izaya Orihara was being cornered by a small group of her classmates. Two of them had a crush on her, one of them covered for her while she skipped classes, and the other she hadn't ever seen before, and yet he claimed to know her as well.

If they had planned this themselves, it was pretty impressive for a group of delinquents.

They actually managed to make her _scared_…

As her back hit the locker, Izaya jumped, only just now having realized that she really had no way to get out of this situation. She didn't _know_ what they were going to do to her. She didn't want to find out. These were public school grounds.

They couldn't do anything _too_ bad to her, could they?

This type of stuff only happened in those dumb erotica novels she'd find, or the manga she'd read online if she were bored.

Maybe she was thinking too ahead of herself…

"You sure are strange, Orihara-san." One of them said, placing a single hand on the locker besides her head. "One moment you're seducing us… the next you're telling us we have no reason to live. I do wonder how you even _have_ friends… unless that crazy doctor friend of yours is just a tool as well, I honestly wouldn't be surprised."

With the burning anger within her, all she wanted to do was spit at them. She wanted to grab them by their hair and knee them in the balls.

Was she really so scared that she couldn't move…?

"You're really quiet considering how you usually act, Orihara-san… Are you scared?" He asked, moving closer to his victim, shoving his knee right in between her legs. He grinned as Izaya shuddered, her body tensing at the removal of personal space.

"N-No…"

It felt like her throat swelled up, like she was choking on her own words.

This wasn't right.

"Well you should be." He spat, knee jerking up in between her legs, causing her to jump. Her attempts at not showing any fear were getting her nowhere, except making her look pathetic. "Four guys you screwed over have you cornered and you can't go anywhere. We're not gonna be nice…"

Garnet eyes focused on the four figures in front of her. They all had the same face on, mean, unforgiving…

Just as he began to tug at her cardigan, the sound of a door slamming shut sounded throughout the room. The boy stopped for a moment, but having heard nothing more – he went right back to what he was doing.

With the cardigan open, carefully preserved as if not to ruin it, almost as if he _cared_ about her clothing. He'd let her walk away in one piece _physically_. He couldn't destroy the clothing that made her look so attractive, right? Next came the blouse, unbuttoning it one by one, as slowly as he could manage, savoring every bit of skin he exposed.

Izaya noticed the other three didn't look as confident anymore.

They looked scared.

_We aren't actually going to go through with this are we? This is getting a little too out of control. We scared her enough, let's go._

She managed to read that from their faces, but the one looked so fixated on getting back at her…

All five of them jumped when they heard a locker squeak open.

"Shit… who the hell's in here…?" He mumbled, looking back at his posse who all shrugged and shook their heads.

Maybe this was a sign, maybe this _was_ her way out. She figured if it didn't work, they'd just get angrier and beat her even more than she deserved… and yet…

Opening her mouth and gasping for air, she let out a scream, fussing around as she banged her limbs against the metal of the lockers, attempting to kick her attacker and get out of his grasp. "SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!" She managed to cry out, "I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE BUT PLEASE I'M BEING ATTACKED!"

The locker slammed shut, and the boy growled with fury, shoving his palm against her mouth, tightly, earning a pained whine from Izaya. "Bitch, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" He hissed, although he was only causing more of a commotion.

"The hell's going on here?!"

_That_ voice?!

In her line of sight, there he was. Tall, blonde, and pissed off. Izaya suddenly found herself ten times more frightened than she had been originally.

"H-Heiwajima-san?!" Two of the four boys both shouted, as the other two scrambled away as soon as they saw him approaching them.

As Shizuo approached the scene, the situation became much more clear.

Izaya topless, some asshole with his leg grinding up against her, another boy backed up against a locker as he tried to slide out before things got really bad.

"Flea… what's going on?"

Her classmate's hand was still clamped over her mouth, so Shizuo took initiative and tore the boy away, shoving him to the ground in the meantime. Izaya stood still, panting as she tried to overcome her emotions, but it wasn't getting her anywhere. She dropped to her knees, hands fumbling as she tried to button up her jacket, but she was shaking too hard to match them up.

"H-Heiwajima-san… you know how much of a stubborn brat Izaya is, right? Can you blame me for snapping on her?" His words sounded unnatural, as if he was forcing them out. "She screwed me over just as she had done to you plenty of times! I was just…"

Trying to explain wasn't getting the boy anywhere. The boy _knew_ that, and yet he kept trying, backing away from Shizuo, practically crawling away, trying to grasp onto a bench to pull himself up. To run.

The would be fortissimo of Ikebukuro stared down his classmate, slowly approaching him, step by step.

"She lead me on! She told me to come here so she could…" He trailed off, "She's a liar! She-"

"You don't gotta tell me twice about how much of a damn pest Izaya is." Shizuo snarled, leaning down as he yanked the kid up using his shirt, holding him high in the air. "But you gotta be ten times worse than her if you're really going to result to assault, jackass."

"A-Assault! Hey now, I'm no sex offender! She told me she _wanted_ to have sex with me! And then all of a sudden she says she's not interested…!"

Shizuo averted his gaze back to Izaya, still trying to calm herself down… to no avail.

"Flea… what happened?" He asked, still holding his classmate up by his shirt. His voice was calm, much to everybody's surprise. He seemed so serious though. Like the wrong answer could send him into a frenzy of pure violence.

It took a lot of energy for her to come out and say anything, she didn't want to cry, not in front of Shizuo, not in front of those boys. But she managed. "I-I never once told that pervert that I'd screw him!" She gasped, "He always left love notes for me in my locker… and I threw them out!"

Izaya sat up straight, getting to her knees.

"I never lead him on! He's…"

"Dead."

Nobody had time to react, but Shizuo managed to shove his fist right into the boys face, punching him solid and hard, sending him flying back a few feet. The friends that said boy had arrived with were now completely out of sight, as the remaining one ran off… screaming.

Now that that punk was out of the way, Izaya figured that she was next. Shizuo had no reason to save her, although she was happy that he did…

"C-Can I leave in one piece? I'm already ruined enough…" She choked out, eyes gazing down towards the floor, her hands seemingly still unable to get her clothing back on correctly.

"Let me walk you home."

Confused, Izaya blinked, staring at her savior and arch nemesis. "Pardon…?"

"I want to make sure you get home alright." He continued, taking off his uniform jacket as he handed it to the puzzled girl. Shizuo cursed under his breath, "Flea or not, what those assholes were doing was unacceptable.

She only nodded, unable to really make light out of anything that just happened. With Shizuo helping her back onto her feet, she managed to meet his gaze once more.

"Then… let's go." Izaya mumbled, dusting herself off.

And within a few moments, Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima were walking side by side with one another.

What happened was a _big_ deal. Izaya was nearly sexually assaulted, and Shizuo, the man who claimed to hate her and everything she was saved her. He believed her when she said that she really _didn't_ lead those boys on.

They both knew it too.

The walk back to Izaya's was very quiet, awkward almost. Especially with how close they were pressed to each other. If Shizuo wasn't able to tell that Izaya really _was_ nervous, then he was stupider than she could imagine.

But he came to her rescue… she had to repay him somehow.

"Shizu-chan…?" Izaya perked up, her eyes still glazed over in sadness and fear.

"Hm…"

"Do you mind walking me to school tomorrow? …I'm… nervous to go by myself… and Shinra's on the other side of town…" She asked, obviously embarrassed as her head turned down to focus back on the floor.

"That's fine… I'll do it."

She smiled softly, having not lifted her head to look at him. "And Shizu-chan…?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…"

* * *

**Thank you! Reviews are appreciated! I hope you enjoy!**


	2. 01

AN:/ I don't even fucking remember the prompt that I had set this up with so the story is going in a different direction. Lets see if I can actually do this. College has started up again so updates should probably be slow, but I'll work on it more during the summer! I feel bad for not updating this ugh.

Also as a warning – the first… couple of chapters are probably going to be bad and jump around a lot. It's like how origin movies suck u feel me – ah well, it'll pick up in a bit! Enjoy.

* * *

_6 Years Later…_

Winter always seemed to last _forever_ in Tokyo. Maybe it was just because Izaya hated the cold. But luckily for her, it was getting warmer out.

That's one thing that Izaya always looked forward to. Despite her attachment to her dumb furry coat, she _loved_ the warm weather.

With the warm weather, was also Spring. Something else Izaya loved. Between the cherry blossoms that decorated the city, and the young teenage couples that insisted on falling in love – it was always a joy to experience the season within Ikebukuro.

Although the first day of Spring wasn't for a few days, Izaya was already in the spirit.

And today was white day.

Valentines Day was usually a lonely day for her, but she managed to have a nice time with her friends.

A sort of double date with Shizuo, only it was more of… Shinra dragged Celty out on a date, and Celty dragged Shizuo with her, and Shizuo dragged Izaya along.

It was a lot more successful than it sounded – and for white day, the four decided to get together once more, just for a few drinks.

The door buzzed, causing Izaya to jump slightly. Shizuo must've been here a little early before they decided to head out.

"Just a minute!" Dusting herself off, Izaya made her way to the front door, smiling once she made eye contact with her date. "Good evening~"

Shizuo nodded in response, hands shoved in his pockets as he looked away. "Happy White Day."

She couldn't help but laugh, stepping to the side to let Shizuo in.

This was kind of routine. He came over a lot more often than was probably acceptable for two friends.

"You ready, or…?"

Izaya popped into the kitchen for a quick moment, grabbing whatever she needed. "I've got what I need. Let's skedaddle, hmm?"

"Skedaddle…"

Approaching Shizuo once more, this time with a decorated bag containing some kind of drink, she smiled. "Let's go, shall we?"

Shizuo offered a somewhat condescending scoff, holding the door open for her as she bounced on out.

This was probably going to be an awkward night.

* * *

"It's weird that you two aren't dating."

Izaya perked up a little bit, leaning forward, resting her head on her hands. "Humor me. Why is it weird, Shinra?"

Looking at Shizuo from the corner of her eyes, she could tell he looked a little uncomfortable. But he didn't look like he wanted to speak up any time soon.

"Since high school you two have been really close, yunno?" He started, flopping back on the couch, next to his own partner. "You'd make a really good couple! You're so compatible, and you always go places together."

"Shinra – you know that it's because he agreed to help me out…"

"Yeah, by being your personal body guard. For _free_ at that."

Shizuo stiffened up a bit, looking back at the two. "We've gone through this, Shinra." He sighed, "I just wanna help out. Besides, she's still an annoying flea – I couldn't live with that."

Izaya rolled her eyes, but she figured Shizuo was just saying that to get Shinra to quiet down.

"Whatever you say." Shinra digressed, "Well – why don't we have a few drinks?"

A few drinks… that was a bit of an exaggeration. With Izaya, it wasn't ever just… a few.

And well, Shinra always knew that giving her the choice of alcohol at _all _was a really terrible idea.

So Shizuo was holding a _huge_ grudge against his doctor friend for doing this to him. And her, he supposed. Considering how rude it was to turn down alcohol when offered, even when it was offered by her _best friend_; she couldn't say no. That probably had to do with her involvement in the Awakusu-kai.

So when he was basically _carrying_ her home, he knew he had to give Shinra a piece of his mind when he had the chance. He couldn't even call a cab, because, well, he didn't have the money. Izaya did, yet it was kinda rude to just go and use her money for both of their sakes.

He was kinda tipsy too, though.

If he used his own intoxication as an excuse for using _her_ money, she'd probably kill him. Or try to.

Walking was his only choice.

But _god_ she was distracting.

On his back, arms wrapped around his neck, kinda tightly. She was saying rather incoherent things, constantly slouching down, where Shizuo had to bounce her back up into a position that was more comfortable for the both of them.

But then she'd slip out things like; "You smell so nice" or "You're such a gentleman" although she sounded far less intelligent than what it may have seemed.

Marching into her apartment building, the people at the front desk seemed unphased by her behavior, and having seen Shizuo around enough, they just kind of sent him upstairs without any questions.

"Shizu-chaaan…" She mumbled, adjusting herself on his back once more as they took the elevator up.

"It's alright, we're almost there."

But Izaya shook her head, cupping his chin with her hand, leaning her head way over his shoulder.

"You wont leave me tonight… please?"

Shizuo sighed slightly, shaking his head.

"I wont."

Izaya didn't say much after that. She simply smiled and nuzzled her face right against his cheek. Not until they got back into the apartment, her bedroom nonetheless, did she open her mouth again.

Placing her down on her bed, Izaya wasn't drunk enough to forget her own comfort. Shizuo was still trying to get her settled, while she was trying to tear off her clothing.

He was too much of a flustered mess to really deal with this right now, so he attempted to slip out of the room, just as she was getting her sweater off.

"Shizu…" She called out, fumbling over on the bed, reaching for his arm. "You… told me you'd stay."

He froze, turning back to look at her. "I just wanted to get something to drink."

Izaya pouted, falling forward, over the edge as she caught onto his sleeve. The look in her eyes was kind of sad, how she seemed to long for him to stay.

Of course Shizuo wasn't about to get up and leave her when she was drunk.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned in lifted her up, just a little, to sit her back on the bed. Pushing her hair out of her face, he nodded.

"I'll be back in one minute, alright? I'm not going anywhere, I _promise_. Get dressed… or… er… undressed while I'm downstairs." He cocked his head to the side, meeting her gaze exactly. "Is that okay?"

"Okay…" She answered, sitting back down as she continued pulling off her sweater. Before Shizuo decided it was alright to go down, he unbuttoned his own shirt, tossing it to her.

"Wear that at least."

Turning around, hearing a giggle and some more incoherent speak about his shirt smelling nice he made his way downstairs. He just hoped she took his advice with the shirt, considering how uncomfortable it would probably be if he had to sleep with her exposed like that. And how angry she would be in the morning if she found out he had _let_ her.

Izaya was so unpredictable, drunk or not. He wasn't necessarily sure how drunk she even _was_ considering he had only experienced this two or three times.

"She's gonna get me in so much trouble…" He mumbled to himself, turning back to make his way back into her room.

Sure he didn't actually get anything to drink, but it got him out of there long enough where he was able to stop and think a little bit.

Rather come to the conclusion that it was better to have Izaya in clothes when he returned and not have to worry about watching her get dressed.

A minute passed, he was safe. He kept telling himself, at least.

Opening the door to her room, he was pleased to find her clothed _and_ in her bed, sleeping, he presumed.

Slipping into the bed beside her, he watched her for a few seconds. Just admiring her features, and how peaceful she finally looked. A kind of smile spread across his lips, allowing himself to close his own eyes.

It couldn't have been more than five minutes when he felt her stir in her sleep slightly, though. He felt her move closer too; and closer until she had her arms hooked around his neck. He stiffened up a bit, eyes opening to find hers open as well, although not focused on him.

"You didn't leave."

"I … I ah, told you I wasn't going to."

"Thanks…"

"No… no problem…"

He could _feel_ her breathing. She was too close.

"I-Izaya... do you mind? L-Letting go?"

Sleepy eyes gazed up at him, a smile spread across her lips.

"No…" She hummed, pushing him onto his back. Shizuo's breath hitched, as she climbed over him, immediately leaning to kiss at his neck, his jawline, his cheek. Her hands felt up and down his chest, and he almost wanted to give in.

"I-Izaya… don't." He gently tried to pry her off, pushing at her shoulders to try and nudge her off. She didn't give in so easily, though, having positioned herself to sit right on his lap. He cringed, this wasn't going to end well.

She was so much more… _persistent_ when drunk.

But he knew that if he didn't object, and they did this together… she would resent him _forever_. She would hate his _guts_, and quite frankly, Shizuo would hate himself too.

He didn't know why she didn't quite sober up yet, at least a _little_ bit.

He cursed at himself, pushing _himself_ up, rather, but Izaya only went with him, arms wrapping around his neck again.

Izaya pouted, sighing; "Mm, don't you want me?" He could smell the alcohol from her breath.

"Now's not the time, Izaya."

She groaned, "Now _is_ the time! I'm… giving you what you want, ne? What's changed since high school?" Izaya leaned in again, kissing at his jaw. "We used to fuck all the time."

Shizuo grit his teeth, "I know – and we had an accident, remember? Where you didn't talk to me for nearly a _year_."

Izaya rolled her eyes at that, sitting back slightly. "That's the past, Shizu-chan. That has nothing to do with now."

"Yeah, and that's why we shouldn't continue. So the past doesn't _happen_ again."

"Shizu-chan."

"Izaya, _no_. If you keep this up I'll leave."

"Shizu-chan…"

"We'll talk about it when your _sober_, Izaya." He frowned, "Please don't put me in this position. You _know_ I have feelings for you."

Izaya scoffed at him, gritting her teeth as she turned away, and went back to her own side of the bed. "Whatever; I hate you." She mumbled, whining like some kind of a child.

"Yeah, I know."

Things were quiet for a moment, but Izaya eventually flopped back down against the mattress, clutching onto her pillow. Shizuo sat still, watching her just to make sure she was asleep.

She stayed quiet, luckily, and Shizuo took it as a green light for him to go to bed as well. So he joined her, and inched a little bit closer than how they were before, his hand just barely resting on her waist.

Maybe what she was saying … and what she was _doing_ was part of her subconscious or something. But Shizuo didn't want to get too hopeful, of course.

Izaya changed her mind a lot of the time.


	3. 02

**AN:/ Have I mentioned that this story will start off slow? Because hot damn. I'm so sorry. It'll pick up. My outline is like 14 chapters long so hopefully that's enough convincing eeeeh.**

* * *

A glance at the clock, and it was already 12 in the afternoon.

And well, she didn't _feel_ hung over.

Actually, she didn't really remember _why_ she was supposed to feel hung over. She knew she was drinking last night. With Shinra and Celty and Shizuo, but she didn't even remember leaving their apartment.

Pushing herself up a little bit, Izaya glanced down at herself. She was adorned in a white dress shirt that was much too big for her. And one look to her side, she caught glimpse of a mop of blonde hair.

And suddenly, a wave of panic was sent rushing through her, and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. Her entire body was shaking, but it wasn't until she felt this surge of nausea pass through her that she felt like she had to make a run for the bathroom.

So, she followed her body's calling and made a mad dash towards the door.

Shizuo Heiwajima was a heavy sleeper, but the moment he felt that warmth leave his side, and heard _retching_ coming from the other room – he bolted upright and looked right in that direction.

Well, it couldn't have been anybody other than Izaya, so he had reason to be worried.

Shizuo got up out of bed, rushing to find her doubled over the toilet, shoulders and back jerking slightly. He was a little too concerned to care about his own weak stomach and sat beside her, rubbing her back, and pulling her hair behind her ear.

She was panting, and gasping for air. Shizuo was nervous. Neither of them had said a _word_ to each other, but with the actions – Shizuo was trying his hardest to help.

Izaya wasn't pushing him back, he figured that was a good sign.

"I'm okay…"

Shizuo was kind of startled when she spoke up, but he didn't stir. Instead, he kept rubbing her shoulders, letting out some kind of a relieved sigh.

"Shizuo, please let go…"

He cocked an eyebrow, but did as she said. "Are you alright? You're not hung over or anything, are you?"

Izaya plopped back down into a more comfortable position, wiping off her mouth. She shook her head, gaze focused on the ground. "No, I feel alright."

"You were throwing up – I'm not sure if that's a good thing."

Izaya gave a dry laugh, looking back up at Shizuo who was seated next to her. He was obviously a bit concerned, or really concerned. She was too tired to really read his expression.

"Nah, I hate throwing up." She chuckled, running her fingers through her bangs. "Sorry – I woke you."

Shizuo tried his best to give her a reassuring smile. "Don't apologize. I just wanna make sure that you're alright."

All Izaya did was nod. Breathing slowly to calm herself down a little bit. Shizuo stirred just a little bit, trying not to upset her anymore.

Izaya finally broke the silence with a sigh. "I don't remember much from last night."

"Ah… You… got pretty drunk, Izaya."

Izaya frowned, gritting her teeth as she looked back at him. "Well, _obviously_." She huffed, "Why am I wearing nothing but your shirt?"

"You told me sleeping in what you were wearing last night would've been uncomfortable. You started taking off your clothes so I gave you my shirt."

She laughed this time, shaking her head in what seemed like disbelief. "What, you watched me get undressed?"

"No. Izaya, I left the room."

Izaya closed her eyes, pushing herself up off the floor, standing and dusting herself off. She made sure to see if Shizuo's dress shirt was all the way closed. A few loose buttons, and she probably would've felt sick again.

"We didn't have sex?"

Shizuo let out a sigh this time; "No."

He stood up after another short moment of silence. Izaya was acting strange and he couldn't exactly pinpoint why. He just hoped that she wasn't _doubting_ him.

"Izaya, you know I wouldn't lay a finger on you. Drunk or not."

Izaya snickered a little bit, nodding her head. "I know. I'm sorry." She leaned over the sink, pushing Shizuo to the side a little in order to rinse her mouth out. "I just panicked a little bit."

That caught Shizuo a little off guard. Why would she have any reason to panic while she was with him?

Izaya and Shizuo's relationship was always a bit… complicated. Shizuo knew she had this kind of fear of sleeping with other people. And it had been a few years since she let him anywhere near her body. He wasn't going to complain about it; about what she wanted. He wasn't about to pressure her into making her do something she didn't want to do. If he was that desperate, he had his own means of satisfaction.

He leaned back against the sink, looking away from her.

"What made you panic?"

A smile graced Izaya's lips, much to Shizuo's surprise. "Shizuo, it isn't _you_ or anything – but if I were to find out that we had slept together while I was drunk, I'd have been fairly mortified." She explained, "The idea of being taken advantage of scares the hell out of me…"

Shizuo understood that. He knew her fear, and he didn't blame her. Yes, he was a bit disappointed that she didn't trust him at first. That she had to question him in order to be completely satisfied, but it might've been the fact that he almost gave in to her drunken wishes last night that he felt a bit embarrassed of himself.

"I get you…" He shrugged.

"It's scary when you don't really recall anything." Izaya breathed, motioning towards the bathroom door. "I'll make you some coffee or something. Don't you have work?"

Shizuo nodded in response, "Yeah I ah… It's my late shift, today. No rush."

He was holding back his question. He wanted to know what she'd have thought if she knew she was the one who almost initiated it.

He figured that would sour her mood.

Instead, Shizuo followed her into the kitchen – she was rambling on about being thankful that he was there to make sure she made it home safe. That he could've gone home if he wanted to, but it was alright if he stayed over. She'd have preferred if he slept on the couch, though.

He had to bite his tongue almost in order to stay quiet. He just kind of relaxed back on the counter, watching her as she did her thing. She kept talking, seemingly making up excuses as to why she reacted that way to seeing Shizuo with her.

Shizuo was never a big fan of listening to her go on and on about things, but he couldn't really get himself to stop her.

Of course her words were sort of hurtful _now_, after she had been nearly all over him last night. It wasn't like being drunk brought out _true_ feelings or whatever, but she was going on and on. She didn't even realize what she was _saying_.

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo cocked his head up, gaze landing on Izaya who had her hands on her hips.

"Why are you just _staring_ at me like that." She sighed, "You're making me tense up."

"Izaya, you don't remember _anything_ you said to me last night?"

Izaya folded her arms over her chest this time, shaking her head in response.

"You don't remember how you crawled on _top_ of me and tried to get the rest of my clothes off?"

"What?"

Shizuo stood up straight, running his hand through his hair. "You tried to sleep with _me_, Izaya." He huffed, "I had to shove you off of me more than once."

"I-I wouldn't do something like _that_ Shizuo! I wasn't _that_ drunk."

Gritting his teeth, Shizuo just took a deep breath – trying to keep himself calm seemingly. "Izaya, I really wouldn't lie to you. I didn't touch you, I couldn't have done that to you. Not without your consent, you _know_ that."

"You're getting mad."

Shizuo looked over at her again. She looked upset. Maybe he was being a little too straight forward about this, and taking it a little too personally. "It didn't seem all that fair, that's all. That you're going on about wishing I slept on the couch instead, and that you have no interest in me." He explained, "It's fine that you feel that way, honestly – I'm not going to doubt you."

Izaya blinked a few times, leaning back against the counter.

"I would do _anything_ for you, Izaya. You know that. You were drunk last night so I didn't take any of it to heart, but going from how you were at three in the morning to how you're talking to me right now…" Shizuo sighed, "It does kind of hurt."

She avoided his gaze this time.

"And fuck – I'm sorry you got scared… I'm sorry I caused you to do that this morning. If I had known you were really that terrified – I wouldn't have stayed in the same room."

"It's fine, Shizuo." Izaya sighed, shifting sort of uncomfortably against the counter surface.

Shizuo just kind of looked away; he was embarrassed of his actions too.

"Did I ask you?"

"Huh?"

"…Did I ask you to stay with me?"

Shizuo focused on her out of the corner of his eye. Silently, he nodded.

"I'm sorry I put you in that position."

"It's not your fault, Izaya." He offered a smile. "But I should leave."

"Alright."

The two exchanged looks once more, though neither of them really looked _satisfied_. The situation seemed damn near awkward more than anything else. But without another word, Shizuo was on his way out.

Izaya knew she was doing _something_ wrong.

"Ah – I'm so terrible to him."


	4. 03

AN:/ A…lmost…. done…. with…. School….. (chapter is rushed but we're gettin to the fun stuff!)

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Things didn't really feel the same.

It was _bugging_ him, and it was _annoying_. That flea always knew how to get under his skin and the damage she did this time was probably worse than ever.

And it was pretty obvious.

"Shizuo. Ay, Shizuo!"

He was shaken out of his thoughts, looking to his friend.

"You alright? You're deep in thought – it's kinda scaring, me." Tom joked, patting his co-worker on the shoulder.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry."

"What's goin' on? You're never usually this quiet on the job."

His shoulders slumped a bit, as Shizuo reached to scratch the back of his head. "It's… nothing, really. I'm just tired I guess. I've been having a long week."

"You can't just have a long week without something bothering you."

The two of them walked in silence together for a bit, before mutually deciding that maybe it was time for lunch.

Shizuo was sort of mad at himself now. He was never really good at hiding his feelings, so of course the one time he really didn't _want_ to talk about what was going on, was the most obvious his emotions really were.

They sat down together at a familiar café, cheap and easy enough for the both of them to manage a quick break.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, it's fine, Shizuo."

"Well, you already realized I'm kinda pissed off about something so we're already like halfway there."

Tom laughed, nodding his head. "True."

Shizuo took a deep breath, sighing as he tried to come up with the right words to say. When it came to Izaya, there was no simple way of trying to explain his situation with her. Tom really knew her as that dangerous info broker around town whom Shizuo sort of hated but acted as a body guard for her. Ah, and that they had slept together a few times in high school. Shizuo wasn't sure how Tom found that last one out.

"You know… about Izaya, right?"

"Ah man! It's her again?"

"W-Well, yeah."

"What's goin' on, buddy? She dump you? Or she confessed to you? Did you guys have a drunken night together?"

"Stop that!" Shizuo blushed, shrinking down into his seat a bit. "I mean… sort of. She was more drunk than I was."

Tom's mouth dropped open, as he leaned over the table and spoke in a quiet voice. "You had sex with her even though she was drunk?"

"W-What?! No!" Shizuo slapped his own forehead. "Just listen to the story. We had gone to Shinra's for white day, and she drank a lot so I took her home that night. And she was drunk, and she asked me to spend the night and so I _did_. B-But we didn't sleep together or nothing."

They stared at each other for another moment before Tom tried to speak again.

"Then what's the problem? What – did you _want_ to?"

"N-No. I… ah. She tried to sleep with _me_. And she got really mad when I told her no. And then when we woke up she kinda freaked out because she thought we _did_ sleep together. And then she went on this big ass rant about how she appreciates me as a friend or whatever and that she'd never sleep with me because it'd be weird."

"That's… rough."

"Yeah. I dunno, it kinda hurt that's all."

"Because you like her?"

"No!" Shizuo exclaimed, realizing he was a little bit louder than he intended. He hushed himself a little before he continued. "Okay, well… I do like her."

"Does she _know_ that you do?"

"Yes."

"Well, you better make your move because ah…" Tom pointed towards the window with his thumb. "I think someone else is trying to steal her away."

"What?!"

Shizuo snapped his head around, eyes searching frantically for that dumb furry coat of hers. When he found her, though, he wasn't quite expecting to see some suspicious looking moron getting in her face. He couldn't read lips, but Izaya _clearly_ looked uncomfortable and angry at that.

He stood up from the table, looking at Tom who seemed to give him the okay to head out and do what he had to do. Shizuo angrily marched outside to where the two were conversing.

It was hard to avoid Shizuo's fury, and it showed just how alarmed the towns people were when they all backed away and let a path clear for him.

"Izaaayyyaaa-kuuunnn…"

This caught her attention, as she snapped out of what she was doing and looked towards him.

"S-Shizu-chan?"

"Is this punk bothering you any?"

The man standing in front of her looked in his direction next. He didn't seem very phased, only backing away from Izaya slightly.

"I'm not, sir! I thought I recognized her but it turns out that I was wrong! So – I'll be on my merry way!"

Shizuo's gaze narrowed on the man, and he grit his teeth. "You damn best be on your way out! Who the hell do you think you _are_ getting in her personal space like that? Yeah, that's right, I fuckin' saw you trying to get close to her."

"Shizuo, it's fine."

He looked back at Izaya, seemingly kind of confused. "It's fine? He was grabbin' at you and shit. That's not fine!" Shizuo turned back to give the man even more a piece of his mind. "You damn creep!"

"Shizuo!"

But before he knew it, the man was gone, running down the street a couple of feet away from them now.

"Shit…"

"Shizuo, it's no big deal." She sighed, "I would've been able to handle him."

"Hey, Shizuo!" Tom had come running behind them, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, now you can take Shizuo back to work, ne? He's sorta grumpy today, isn't he?"

Shizuo grit his teeth while Tom laughed, "Actually, I was gonna tell him to take the rest of the afternoon off. We've only got one more client to deal with and he's kinda out of the way for Shizuo."

"Tom…"

"I'm doing you a favor, Shizuo. Why don't you go ahead and talk to her." He whispered to his co-worker, grinning all the while.

Shizuo's cheeks were already turning red, but he couldn't get himself to decline. Before he had the chance to open his mouth, Tom pat him on the shoulder and turned on his heel, making his way out of the area.

"I'll see you tomorrow, buddy!" He called out, waving his hand.

Izaya cocked an eyebrow, having watched that whole awkward exchange between the two. Shizuo just kind of stood there, hands in his pockets as he focused on the floor.

"A-Are you busy?" He finally broke the silence.

"Me? Not really."

"Can we talk, then?"

"I don't see why not."

Shizuo nodded, walking off ahead of Izaya who seemed to be a bit confused now. She muttered something under her breath before picking up her pace to catch up with him.

They walked in silence, and Izaya seemed to be getting kind of uncomfortable. She was never one who enjoyed silence, considering how much she liked to talk.

But it wasn't until Shizuo took a turn into the park did she realize that he was looking for somewhere for them to talk in _private_. How cute.

"Shizu-chan…" She sighed, looking up at him. "We're alone, what is it?"

"The other night when I stayed over, why did you react that way?"

"What way?"

He grit his teeth, "You puked, and you accused me of sleeping with you while you were drunk. You were kind of crazed. Why?"

Izaya bit her lip, plopping down on a nearby bench.

"Say, do you remember in High School? I kind of had that harem of high school boys." She smiled, "Ah, it's kind of weird to call it a harem, isn't it? But in the end, that's what it was."

"Yeah, I remember."

"You remember those boys that attacked me in the shoe room that one time?"

"…Yeah."

"I do too." She laughed, "I remember it really vividly, actually. I've been afraid ever since, yunno."

"Well… I kind of figured… You've counted on me since then."

"Yes I have. I appreciate it more than anything, it does make me feel a lot safer."

There was something that Shizuo wasn't quite getting. She was still beating around the bush.

"What does this have to do with me, then?" He asked.

"I've been kind of afraid ever since. Being taken advantage of, I mean. I'm sure in retrospect, it wasn't… that awful, right? They got my clothes off, but you came to my rescue before they could do anything else." Izaya explained, tugging at the fabric of her shirt. "So why am I still so afraid, hm?"

"You thought that I'd take advantage of you?"

"No." She sighed, "I don't know what I was thinking, and that kind of makes me nervous too."

"You had a panic attack after seeing me in bed with you. I-I mean we've slept together before."

"And the last time I slept with you, I made you angry."

"…"

Shizuo winced at that. He had almost forgotten about it too.

"The thing is, Shizuo. Those boys came after me because I made them mad. And that one time with you? I had pissed you off pretty good." She continued. "I never blamed you for hurting me that day, but I'd just… rather avoid it happening again. Not for my sake. For yours."

"I can promise that it wont, though. I have better control now, Izaya. You know that."

"Shizu-chan… I'm not going to change. Don't you see? You can promise that you'll be able to change and control yourself where your anger wont even be an _issue_, but I'll just get worse, ne? I kinda accept it. And… ah, I think you should, too."

Shizuo closed his eyes, not really sure what to say next. God, Izaya made no sense, but at the same time, he understood exactly what he was saying.

"If I hurt you again, I don't know what would happen." She sighed, "So I just… want to keep it like this."

Shizuo nodded slowly, hands shoved into his pockets.

"I love you, Shizuo. You're dumb if you don't know that." Izaya smiled, "I'm gonna go."

She turned around, shrugging her shoulders a bit as she waved off to him before continuing on her way.

She was crazy, Shizuo had decided. Izaya was absolutely insane.

Always, _always_ – she _always_ pulled this kind of weird crap. Where she'd explain why she didn't want to be with him. And then she'd end it confirming her feelings for him. Telling him how much she adored him and how much she needed him.

Shizuo respected her wishes of course. If she didn't want him, he wasn't going to just _make_ her want him.

She was just so infuriating!

In the end, it made Shizuo fall for her harder. And she knew that, she knew everything her dumb comments did to him.

She looked back at him, smiling. _Smiling_.

Shizuo almost broke the damn bench he was standing next to.

By the time he looked back, Izaya was already off, almost out of sight. He sighed, shaking his head as he decided to head in the same direction. He lived towards that way, after all.

But it wasn't until he was shoved aside by some stranger, did he get _really_ mad. He growled, reaching out for the person, calling out to him.

"Wait…"

A second look at this guy and he was the same punk from earlier.

Without question, he was following Izaya.


End file.
